It's a cliche meant to refer to a stroke of astronomically bad luck. Most people use it when they chance upon getting two flat tires or some other terribly inconvenient occurrence. They get frustrated. They move on. Something far far worse happens to those on the schizo spec.

Schizophrenics are constantly making loose connections which force them to conclude that something suspicious is afoot. Over time, they may learn to turn off the portion of their brains which make these associations. However, no level of discipline allows for the writing off of the proverbial double lightning strike.

Let's say that, in a moment of brief instability, that a nearby tv perfectly syncs up with the schizo's thoughts. Faster than any reality checking can occur, a passing car radio proceeds to do exactly the same. Incontrovertible proof of thought broadcasting.

In the face of such strong empirical data, many a schizo could understandably spend the remainder of the day in deep thought as to what this signifies. At worst, it could send them spiraling back into the delusional state which they fought so hard to escape from.

A set of coincidences is entertaining to the average person. To those caught up in the endless battle with psychosis, it amounts to their foe unleashing a WMD. There are no winners

I've seen many people say that they developed schizophrenia/psychosis after developing a mood disorder, but I don't often see people who had it the other way around. Is there anyone else who developed a mood disorder after their schizophrenia onset? If so, did your mood disorder have any effect on your psychosis and how it presents?

i still get flashbacks from my last episode sometimes. makes me want to freeze up. my brain doesnt distinguish "real" trauma and ones i hallucinated. sucks

Throughout the life of a psychotic person, they experience a myriad of symptoms. Some Terrifying. Some mania inducing. Some are even comical. Over time we learn to put those symptoms behind us and do not incorporate those notions into our way of thinking. That's true for most. For an unlucky few, there are events experienced within their personal reality refuse to fade away. That one piece of iron clad proof that your unshared beliefs are true.

This type of proof I speak of is air tight beyond all reasonable doubt. This would hold as proof in the schizo court of law. It often takes the form of an astronomical coincidence. It's if you won too unfortunate lotteries or were struck by lightning twice.

You can't write it off as coincidence. To do so would feel as though you were gaslighting yourself. The feeling of doing so while people in your life agree for reasons you can't fathom puts a beyond-uncomfortable pit in your stomach. It's psych torture. There is no therapy that can contend with your irrefutable proof. The best you can hope for is to allow so much time to pass such that the proof isn't thought about anymore.

One would think that a wacky notion conjured from nothing would be the most disorienting. In truth, it's the delusions that you have proof for in your mind.

I have bad schizophrenia. This is a site functionality test

There is a heavy emphasis on treating the hallucinations and delusions of psychotic patients. While they do deserve that recognition, there is a very significant symptom that psychiatrists rarely even inquire about. False memories.

There are a number of reasons why this should be considered a severe symptom. The foremost being that they can be the root cause of delusional narratives. People who experience delusions often have a false memory as evidence that their delusions are true.

False memories can also mimic the symptoms of command hallucinations. If the memory in question is that of receiving instructions on how to go about performing a certain mission, it's every bit as influential as a commanding voice. Perhaps more so.

Memories also shape who we are. False memories create a false sense of identity. A person may believe they've accomplished grandiose feats which lead them to believe that they are far more important than others perceive them to be in shared reality.

Far from bring an obscure symptom that should receive little to no recognition. False memories should be treated like the very severe symptom that they are.

The reasons for the secrecy are limited only by the limitless reasons that your brain can conjure. Perhaps revealing your secret will result in your death. A loved one may be harmed. All of existence could come to an end. Anything to prevent you from uttering a word.

So why is this the worst narrative? There are multiple reasons. It can make your condition impossible for others to recognize. Keeping your delusion a secret at any and all costs is akin to masking throughout every waking moment.

Lacking the option to speak of what is often the most profound belief in your head causes perpetual suffering in silence. Talking your thoughts out with others is one of the best forms of therapy. Conversely, bottling up your problems is one of the worst ways to react to what troubles you. What other option does one have when the fate of the universe is at stake? You must stay silent.

Suffering in solitude. Help just out of arms reach. People who would care being oblivious to it. All because of that one little aspect of your delusion that you don't even realize is causing you the most harm.

Don't tell a soul.

I had long since been approved for disability. My psychotic symptoms were a part of my existence as familiar to me as how I would react to the foods I consume. I could recognize the beginning and know what was soon on it's way.

With this level of understanding came with it a high level of functioning. Knowing the experiences would soon manifest as well as their duration allowed me to remain in control of my wits to the point wear it didn't produce the tiresome effects of masking.

Unfortunately, the mercilessness of schizophrenia can, in the darkest moments, make a psych ward visit the best option available.

It began as a standard intake session. Questions asked. My answers were typed. Then schiz threw me a curve ball. Each time the doctor typed my reply to her inquiry, audible and articulate words would emerge from the key board. Threats. Death Threats. Statements suggesting the doctor was lying to me. I couldn't complete the intake procedure.

I clearly explained what was taking place as clearly as I typed it now. I told the doctor that I required immediate treatment. She refused, kept typing, and caused life threatening statements to chip away at my sanity. I gave a calm final warning that I required medication. She typed more death threats and I retaliated with an act of violence. I was placed in a low functioning unit as a result.

The behavior of the other patients only worsened my condition. The unit itself was funded by those who had no respect for basic needs. There were ways in which it was worse than television drama. I didn't belong there, I couldn't have been more civil upon requesting my needed meds. My placement in that unit was not a medical treatment. It was a punishment.

The perks of keeping a journal or making art. When I'm in an episode, I have such a need to get my thoughts and feelings out there (depending on the content).

This is something I'm encouraged to do by a few people, professionals and friends mostly. In the moment it helps. I don't have to shout and scream, I can do it on a page.

Looking back over these pages when I'm thinking more clearly is so challenging. I can see just how much I was suffering at that time. l've destroyed art l've made in psychosis, because I worried viewing it would make it come back.

I keep my journals from psychosis hidden away and don't touch them if I'm doing a bit better. It takes a lot of fortitude to go back into the thoughts you were having, the feelings you felt, what the voices told you.

But it can make you feel grateful when the tide of symptoms recedes.

Its always been a double edge sword. On one hand, it can be relatable. The feelings of paranoia and seeing crazy monsters, I feel that a lot. But on the other hand, that paranoia can leak to me. For a long time I would force myself to listen to creepypastas hoping it’d desensitize me and it kinda worked in some ways but kinda made me worse in others.